How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize