all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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