it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
