Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
