I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
