dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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