i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
