I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize