Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
