I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think weed is turning my hair brown
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
