you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
