My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
