see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
