no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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