go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
