I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
