i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This is the high leading the old right now
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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