Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
