Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
is it fun? or sober?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
