I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
