We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize