it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
