Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
