its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
