I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Randomize
