so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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