it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Too much gin, very little bucket
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
