think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Randomize
