me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
