So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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