in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
