Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize