tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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