gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize