the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
