Screwed.edu
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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