No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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