is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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