I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
