today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
