Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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