Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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