If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
