You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
