nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
