Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
