Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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