you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
