You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
