yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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