I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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