Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
