Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
