There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
