Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize