I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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