WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
