he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
