omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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