I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize