My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
