what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
