It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
