so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
