I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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