i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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