I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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