Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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