turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
