I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
