bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
