I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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