Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
