is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
