I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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