Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Someone signed my nipple.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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