I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
