You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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