i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
