Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
