Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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