my mouth tastes like poor choices
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
organizing the empties. That sober.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
